So end of 2013 sees me in hospital for 4-5 weeks while I recuperate from a series of ops. These were ones that Katja wanted me to have some time ago – running repairs for damage done (wrists, elbow & shoulder). Not a great time to be stuck in hospital, and it gives me too much time for introspection.
We never spoke as much over the Xmas holidays as she always went to Namibia, but we always sent wishes for the New Year. Of course, too, had she been around with me stuck in hospital, then she would have conversed all the more, and perhaps included a trip to see me (even though she knows I HATE having visitors in hospitals).
But she would have helped me through the mess at the end of last year. I have never worked for as long, or as hard, as I did last year, but finished the year with less than zero in my accounts, and clients owing me over R1M. One project I have been working on for a number of years was put forward for a prestigious international award, for precisely the work that I am responsible for. Out of 68 cities that were accepted, we have been short listed down to the final 15. I was invited by the organisers to speak at their conference to the UN in Vienna in February. Which was really exciting, and I know Katja would have produced press releases and the like for me… But then people began crawling out of the woodwork, and trying to both claim authorship for my work, and even writing to the organisers to tell them that, and asking if they could co-present with me… I was really annoyed, until in heard back from the city, who decided that this award was not important enough to be worth paying for my trip. So the annoyance turned to frustration, and sadness.
That has all been now replaced with a cynical view, and next year will be different, will have to be different. Fuck them. No emotions next year, no more writing this blog, no more exposing anything. Only work for people that pay, and then only do what is required; no extra’s, no freebies. If cities are late paying then I shall stop work until they pay.
All this has also had a huge impact at home. I know I have been a shit to live with…and I think the knowledge of what Katja meant to me hurt. I don’t know what she will decide…although fear it might not be good. Oh, and I have completely fallen out with my parents in the interim.
So I seem to be starting the New Year, having a really shitty time in hospital, but taking the view, Fuck The World, for next year.